here's to my girlfriends living longer than my husband

There is no greater gift you can give yourself than time with your girlfriends.

To be in the presence of humans who innately understand your struggles as a female, a mother, and a spouse is a feeling every single woman deserves. To hear, the words “I totally get it” and know such deep empathy is authentically true, borders on divinity and forges a powerful connection.

To be in the presence of humans who build you up, cheer you on, and joyfully celebrate your triumphs fills the soul with champagne bubbles and glittery sparkles like nothing else can.

To be in the presence of humans who will step up in a pinch because they know how much you juggle, brings a sense of security and gratitude which forms a foundation so solid, we become empowered to carry the weight of our lives. Knowing there are people who can drop off meals, pick your kid up from school, and carpool helps us sleep better at night.

Every woman needs a circle of badass girlfriends who have her back, pick her off the floor, lovingly mock her idiosyncrasies, hold her secrets, and love the crap out of her.

Yet, we often fail to devote sacred time and energy to these beautifully fulfilling relationships. Why? Because life gets in the way. We are so busy that coffee dates are squeezed in between school drop off and grocery pick up. We schedule wine nights six weeks from Tuesday, three years from now. I’ve decided that this is no longer okay with me.

My girlfriends are the bearers of gifts my husband simply cannot offer. I need them.

Miguel doesn’t laugh at the same memes as I do because his life experience is vastly different than mine. He loves to dance with me romantically in the kitchen, but he won’t do the robot, the Running Man, or twerk to 90s hip hop. I guarantee the man won’t spend an hour choreographing a synchronized swimming routine in the pool simply because that tickles my sense of silliness and fun.

My girlfriends will.

When I tell Miguel that I ran 5km, cleaned the bathroom, baked spinach muffins, and re-painted the banisters all before lunch time, he thanks me for my efforts (Mostly because he isn’t a stupid man. He knows gratitude is the expected response.) but doesn’t share the deep gratification of being so productive.

My girlfriends, however, will display the appropriate amount of awe and admiration. “Oh my God. You are a fucking rock star!”

Don’t get me wrong. My husband is wonderful, and I adore him, but he understands me on a different plain than my girlfriends do. Obviously.

One of the most damaging mistakes in a marriage is expecting your spouse to be your everything. Miguel is my rock, my partner in life, my best friend, my lover, and hopefully my future. However, we have diverse perspectives, opinions, and experiences which do not always align. We have very different senses of humor, hobbies, and interests. We thrive in spending time apart.

I don’t need Miguel to fulfill these parts of my life because I have chosen to nurture close relationships with my girlfriends. They are key ingredients to making my life feel whole.

Recently, Miguel asked if I would remarry if he were to die before me. After thinking for a moment, I offered a response which surprised both him and me.

While I would like to date casually, and maybe even experience meaningful connection with another man, I don’t see myself marrying again. Instead, I will buy a cozy house with a large deck and a lush garden and open my home to my girlfriends. How easy would it be to live with people who communicate like me, think like me, and know how to sweep the fucking floor without being asked? I’ll ride out the rest of my life enjoying a gigantic slumber party with brilliant women who make me giggle.

The Golden Girls knew where it was at!

“Won’t you miss having someone to sleep beside at night?” he wondered.

“I’ll buy a dog.”

The truth is, if I really want this dream to become my reality, I need to prioritize my female relationships and nurture them lovingly. I need to make time for them, organize gatherings and adventures, show up in times of adversity, and support their journeys through life. They will, after all, be the ones changing my adult diaper in years to come. 
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