Escaping the waiting place

If you are familiar with Dr. Seuss, you may remember this classic passage:

The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
Or a bus to come, or a plane to go
Or the mail to come, or the rain to go
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
Or waiting around for a Yes or No
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
              ~ Oh, the Places You’ll Go
 
These words perfectly sum up the theme of my life over the past six months—the purgatory of a mother who is not needed as often as she’s used to.  

As my boys grow into men and begin to venture into the world on their own, I found myself in this strange new parenting phase. I saw it coming and thought I was emotionally prepared. After all, they are becoming confidently independent, as they should be. My job, I decided, was to simply hold space for my kids—letting them have as much freedom as they could handle responsibly, and simply be available when they needed to talk, solve problems, or wanted to share.

However, as their lives grew bigger and richer, they had less and less time to spend with me. They were busy and content and I was still holding space. Alone.

Thus, The Waiting Place.

I was waiting for the phone to ring
Or a text to come
Or a problem to arise
Or a task for Mom
I was just freaking waiting.
 
Needless to say, boredom grew into loneliness and loneliness grew into misery. One day, listening to a podcast while at the gym, I was struck by a wisdom bomb dropped by comedian Tig Notaro who said, "The best gift you can give anyone is a well-lived life of your own.”
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Read that again. It’s profound.

It struck me that I was not living my own life. For nearly eighteen years, I lived for my boys and forgot about myself. While I thought I was personifying a deep value and joy for parenting, what I actually modeled was that my life was secondary to theirs.

Would I want my kids to be paralyzed in The Waiting Place? Would I want my life for my kids? No!

My greatest hope for my children is for them to live joyfully, passionately, and with immense gratitude for their blessings. I want them to wake with intention and live with purpose. Yet, I wasn’t doing that for myself.

If, like me, you have found yourself in The Waiting Place, here are the tools I used to extricate myself:

1. Make a list of hobbies and activities which make you happy. Be intentional about gifting yourself at least thirty minutes per day to curate this joy for yourself.
2. Schedule one event per week which you can look forward to. This can be a walk in the park, cooking a new recipe, meeting a girlfriend for coffee, or treating yourself to your favorite snack.
3. Plan your calendar. I have penciled in one adventure for myself and one date with my spouse per month. This gives me two moments of excitement to anticipate, fully thrive within, and remember fondly.
4. Learn something new. Take an online course, join a yoga class, talk to strangers while in line at the grocery store, join Duolingo and practice a new language.

 
As cliché as it sounds, life is too short to be wasting away, waiting for others to need you.

Take control and learn to love your own life.

And, as Dr. Seuss says,

Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So, get on your way!