to perform or to live?

 
Have you been watching the Netflix docu-series American Murder: Gabby Petito?

I’ve only seen the first episode and my brain is already working overtime. For those not in the know, it’s the story of a sweet young girl who is on a quest to find herself through an adventurous cross-country trip with her fiancé. Dreaming of becoming a content creator, she vlogs throughout the journey. Little did she know, she was recording her final days on this planet. Spoiler alert: her fiancé murders her.

(Don’t freak out! I refuse to feel bad about revealing the plot twist, as the story was splashed all over the news in 2021. It’s not my fault that you didn’t pay attention as events were unfurling in real time.)

The mama in me mourns deeply for Gabby’s parents, who experienced a nightmare beyond imagination. And as someone parenting young adults myself, the idea of letting our children make decisions and experience the world while their mushy, hormone-crazed brains are still developing disturbs my sleep on the regular. However, this aspect of the story is not what has lit my neurons on fire.

The source of my puzzlement and melancholy stems from watching Gabby film her life instead of living it. The first episode shares vlog posts and behind the scenes footage of her curating joy instead of being present in the moment. As she kisses her fiancé and professes her love, she looks not at him, but at the camera. Instead of experiencing the awe-inducing wonders of the world, she is setting up a drone to capture the perfect shot. As the episode progresses, we learn that (surprise, surprise) all is not as it seems. The romance of living a “van-life” adventure was merely performative. In reality, she suffered massive anxiety and was trapped in a toxic relationship.

She was so busy chasing likes that she not only forgot to soak in the joy of her experiences, but she ignored the gravity of the situation she was in. And, poor Gabby was not alone in this way of existing.

Let me put on my granny panties and oversized spectacles as I step upon my soapbox for a moment. Too many young people are missing the point. Life is passing them by while they view their experiences through the lens of their phones. When they remove themselves from the world by filming their lives, I wonder how aware they are of their own feelings. Does exhilaration course through their veins? Do they steep in sadness? Does beauty overwhelm them? Or, are they already editing footage in their heads and crafting witty comments to accompany the video?

This week’s news also dropped a shocking tale of an airplane which rolled on the runway of Toronto’s Pearson Airport and landed upside down. Amazingly, every single passenger and crew member walked away with their lives. While it may have served as a come-to-God moment for some aboard this flight, many passengers (who had just been strapped into a tin can which flipped on its ass and came screeching to a halt) immediately grabbed their phones and began recording. There is ample footage of human beings hanging upside down inside the plane, while others crawled over seats towards the emergency exits. Several Facebook posts have been published of people breathlessly declaring they “just survived a plane crash”.

As I watched, my first thought was “Call your fucking mama! She doesn’t deserve to find out that you’ve narrowly avoided death by viewing your social media post.”

Instead of falling to their knees and expressing enormous gratitude to the Universe, instead of dialing their loved ones, people decided the experience would make excellent online content.

I understand that each generation looks upon the youth and lament their changing values. I also acknowledge that many times, the young are the ones who inspire necessary social and political movements. Those who are older often struggle to keep up with the shifting tides. Maybe it’s me who needs to adapt to life as it is now instead of professing how I think it should be.

However, as I continue to observe a generation of young people who desire never-before-seen levels of online transparency and self-perceived importance, I hope they pause occasionally to question their own authenticity and presence within the lives they so carefully curate and report on.

To live or to perform?

It seems to be this generation’s version of “To be or not to be?”
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My greatest wish is that once in a while, they make time to just be. Even if no one is watching.